I came up with the fantasy of dousing my resume in a pheromone tincture to make it more appealing to an employer. People like people for pretty damn arbitrary reasons, as it is.

So simmering on this idea for a year, I finally took to researching the market for synthetic pheromones — types, brands, and efficacy. This report will contain summary findings of my research (in no particular order), and I expect to write a series of entries based on my experience in actuating this experiment.

Pheromones influencing organisms’ actions and attitudes is a real phenomenon. However, the effects on humans are questionable, as is the entire notion of applying a synthetic pheromone product to achieve ‘results.’ This whole category approaches snake oil territory. A wearer’s confidence is improved upon belief in their effectiveness, though let’s not discredit the placebo effect — it is, afterall, a real result. Part of the difficulty in the scientific community backing synthetic pheromones with supportive proof is that social interaction is a very multifaceted experience and it’s very challenging to break it down with certainty.

The best material I found in my research was anecdotal. I have seen reference to supposed scientific evidence, but I can find no sufficiently credible document. I won’t yet link to the specific product I ended up selecting because I’m not endorsing anything or anyone.

On to my findings/interpretations: I’ve discovered there are two basic paradigms of pheromone product, social and sexual. Within either camp are a myriad of ‘flavors’ that nuance the supposed effect. My initial motivator was to use them for non-sexual purposes, so that is where I am putting most of my attention. A social pheromone affects aspects such as talkativeness, trust, and status. I find the discussion on status to be the most interesting — a lot of pheromone products are marketed to improve status; to be an alpha male/female, or even to incorporate “beta” pheromones to soften the edge.

One can absolutely sense the presence of an Alpha on an intuitive plane. I’ve long believed a person’s status frequently does not align with actions, behaviors; or, necessarily, any justification. Though attitude is an essential part of this social type, consider the logic behind the “American dream;” anyone who works hard enough can rise their way up to being a rich 1%er. Lol.

I find it vindictive to believe this quality can be attributed to something controllable.  I’m not the Alpha type; some people walk all over me, and some people adore me. The theory that status is derived from a chemical taste preference would suitably explain the experience: Some people respond to a person’s mix of pheromones so that they perceive that person as having status. Some people have a more universally accepted scent.

But I didn’t go down that path in my selection, I chose the talkative/trust option. Although I should meditate on exactly why this felt like the correct choice to me, intuitively I would explain that ‘Alpha’ people piss me off and so there was no appeal in that scene.

On to my experience, so far. Note: I haven’t received my order yet.

Whenever I get an idea, I love to talk about it with my friends or constituents. This means I told a lot of core people in my circle about my interest in, research of, and purchase of social pheromones; and also shared this information with the perspective of having faith in all of it.

So it came about that, last night, my buddy asked me if I got my order yet. I took this as an opportunity to try a ruse; I said yes, and pointed out all the effects they were having on everyone. Unfortunately, my temporary, subletting roommate does not satisfy the “core person” denomination in my circle. She had a particular reaction.

Pheromone use can come off rather clandestine, manipulative, and arrogant. Well, because it is. Friends of mine may think that’s cool; someone I’m not particularly close with could be put off.

It was a very small window of interaction (I only pulled the ruse for two minutes or so), but in this span, she very ostensibly ignored me, ultimately telling me she was. She left the room after I explained I was trolling.

(Note: “ostensibly ignored me” is the best I can explain a compound social cue. Actually this experience is what precipitated this entire blog entry and so I’m disappointed the actual story took one line once I got to it.)

The ruse drew the opposite effect of my stated goals when it came under scrutiny. Well, even if pheromones “work” I expect the results would be the same in a similar situation.

So the moral of Part 1 of my story: Pheromones are psychosomatic. More to be posted when I receive and test my order.